Anyhoodle. I have always been kind of tough on myself. But I think that's because I've never had any REASON to expect people to feel sorry for me or go easy on me. Unless I blame the loving parents, the upper middle class background, the supportive extended family and the relative ease I had with school and learning. And blame I do. Damn them all. But then I sort of....relaxed my expectations a bit. Or more like, I knew what I SHOULD have been doing but couldn't summon the energy. I've had some very difficult and painful health problems the last few years. The kind where you can barely get through work and come home and collapse. But really? So many people have those issues. And children to take care of. It's just me and I've made it just me for a long time on purpose. Because I had nothing to offer a boyfriend and didn't want them having to take care of me. Well, that and I sort of dislike having to deal with anyone on a daily basis. I could barely feed my guinea pigs every day. I let my finances become a mess despite my parents' generous help and didn't do my health any favors by gaining weight.
I'm trying to lighten up on myself. Not care that I still can't cook, clean, sew, be nice for long stretches of time, stop eating so much chocolate, afford to buy a house, afford to buy anything, do my hair, put makeup on every day, that I'm sort of lazy and self-centered, and that I still don't give two craps about marriage or babies. Unless it's other people. I want everyone to have babies.
I must admit that it annoys me it took me years to get back on track. To be a good friend again, to exercise and eat healthy (sort of), to hit the ground running with my career. And now that I feel I'm finally becoming a productive member of society again, I'm leaving! Ha. Suckers. You had to deal with me for the past 3 years and now I'm leaving you with only the memory of me kind of being a semi-useless slugs. Consider this my formal apology. I also find it ironic that only now am I really fully appreciating where I live and am busy to the max. Working two jobs, volunteering, taking four dance classes a week. I'm going to miss this place.
