Wait, okay that isn't even the root of it. It's more, will there ever come a time when the fantasy version of who I am and the life I lead actually lines up with what the hell is actually occurring.
In my fantasy, I live this chic, minimalist existence. I have crisp, white sheets, minimal black furniture in clean lines, a few select pieces of art on the wall. My floors are mopped on a regular basis and my clothes are on hangers. But not wire hangers. Oh no.
It basically looks like this
And every time I move, I swear to God I unload so much crap. So where did all this stuff come from. Is my crap reproducing? Is my crap getting more action than I am (this would not be difficult)? I can't help myself. I love books and art and little tchochkes that I collect and pictures and I'm lazy and there's dog hair all over my white sheets all the time and my clean clothes are precariously balanced on my underutilized elliptical machine. And basically my room (and my life) actually looks like this.
Boo
But, you see, it's all going to be different this time. Somehow, I'm going to move to California and eat lots of avocados and go to farmer's markets and cook....things and flounce around in cotton dresses (because I will have automatically lost 20lbs breathing in the salty air) and walk my dog regularly (she will also stop shedding, somehow) and I don't know. Everything will also smell like lemons. Because I equate clean things with smelling like lemons. So every weekend I've been hauling the detritus of my old self to Goodwill and the dumpster, because this time will be different. So different. I will wake up early and walk my dog (because I won't have a backyard to lazily throw her in) and then I will come back and make like...juice protein shakes (must purchase and learn to use blender) and then I'll shower and not go to work with wet hair (must obtain job) and after work I will breeze to my yoga/dance/surfing lesson and arrive home ready to cook something with like, quinoa. And then I will walk my dog again (who no longer sheds) and read a book (as opposed to watching Hills marathons) and fall asleep on my crisp, white sheets.
It's going to be JUST LIKE THAT.
